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š Keep calm and release the pressure valve. š„
Serenity vs cat hair + SOS affirmations + Still time...
Emily Ruth Hazel
November 21, 2023
Well, hello there!
When my front door swings open, the dust bunny convention thatās been gathering under my bookcase glides across the floor like a welcome committee. Good thing Iām not auditioning to be Martha Stewart.
For many of us, the holidays can be a pressure cooker emotionally, relationally, financially, and otherwise. Need to let off some steam? Consider this letter an Instant Pot quick release.
IN THIS ISSUE
3 serenity-saving questions: reframing expectations, real hospitality & what truly matters
Whatās in store: kitchen flex + Early Bird Special + recentering softness
For the road: your SOS affirmations crib sheet (holiday edition)
1. Who tracked all this should in here?
Okay, usually, itās me. But Iāve been getting curious about the pressures I feel to do more, to hurry up, to present a certain way: Whose voice is that in my head? If you, like me, have someone in your circle who always has to point out whatās missing or what couldāve been better, maybe youāve also started treating yourself that way.
Want a permission slip to be human, to do things differently, or to disappoint some folks? Iām here to sign them all for you.
Kitchen Royalty Embroidered Organic Cotton Apron (Adult) [Update: This item is no longer available.]
Who wears/shares the crown in your kitchen? The Kitchen Royalty Embroidered Organic Cotton Apron is a classy essential with a sense of humorāsound like someone you know? Tie it with a bow.
2. Is this worth my serenity?
My senior year of college, my housemate Annette and I hosted weekly Sunday dinners. Come Sunday afternoon, exhausted from the week and afraid that I couldnāt spare the time or muster the social energy to be hostessy, Iād be cramming to finish my homework, knowing that at 6pm, our house would start to buzz with voices as shoes piled on top of each other in our entryway. At 5:55, Iād be torn between frantically Swiffering cumulous clouds of cat hair and desperately needing to collect what was left of my mindā¦
Thankfully, no one in the group was deathly allergic to dander. Setting aside my image management and letting the housekeeping slide, Iād sit on the unswept stairs praying that my anxiety wouldnāt spill everywhere and asking God to be our first guest.
Choosing that brief, meditative interlude shifted my spirit so that I could genuinely greet my friends with open arms when they arrived to make and share the meal. Somehow, I rallied like Westley in The Princess Brideās āIāve been mostly dead all dayā scene.
āI'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then againā¦ perhaps I have the strength after all.ā
For a few sweet hours, my fatigue faded into the background and I could relax into the ritual of sisterhood we cocreated as a community. Those Sunday dinners helped me see what I hadnāt understood growing up: the heart of hospitality isnāt about curating an elaborate spread, creating the perfect seating plan, or hiding all the clutter.
Itās about cultivating generosity of spiritābeing open and present and letting people in, even when I feel shy and awkward and underprepared. How can I include and care for my guests without worrying about the flaws they may notice or trying to control their experience?
Years ago, when I was nervous about my leadership role in starting a new group, my therapist basically told me, āItās not your job to guarantee that everyone gets along and has a great time. You canāt make other people feel comfortable and connected; youāre simply creating a space in which itās more possible for that to happen.ā
When she said that, I could feel my shoulders drop. Realizing that the results arenāt up to me stirs both disappointment and relief. (Not to mention some concern.) But itās the same with every party, performance, visit, or event: I can only give what I have to give, then wait to see how the rest unfolds.
In light of that, why obsess over menus and guest lists as if everyoneās happiness depends on my decisions? Is cooking everything from scratch worth trading in my serenity? Is staying up until the wee hours hanging art and rearranging my living room worth my serenity? Is reheating an old argument or trying to change someone elseās point of view worth my serenity?
Delicious Remix Embroidered Apron (Junior/Youth/Petite)
Looking for a gift for someone who loves getting creative in the kitchen, making art, or playing with messy craft supplies? The Delicious Remix Embroidered Apronās got you covered!
[Update 4/24: Wild Honey aprons are no longer available.]
3. What if so-called āfailsā are the best icebreakers?
So a guest showed up 30 minutes early and I was still in my pajamas. So I forgot a cup of flour in the chocolate cake. So someone mistook the closet for the bathroom and opened the door to an avalanche.
What if allowing for and even laughing over bloopers is the most important part of hospitality because it sets others at ease? What if letting myself off the hook makes me softer, more approachable, more fun to be around?
. . . and breathe . . .
Full Circle Recentering Throw Pillow (photo on right courtesy of Meghan Lin) [Update: This item is no longer available.]
Schooled by the crash-and-burn cycle, Iāve learned that, paradoxically, the more behind and overwhelmed I feel, the more I need to slow down and take breaks. Even when hosting a gathering, if Iām stressed or peopled out, I can slip away for a few minutes to regroup. The ceiling will not collapse.
Iāve yet to find a foolproof recipe for serenity, but from my kitchen to yours, hereās the ingredient list Iām starting with today:
Thanks for spending this moment with me.
Btw, you still have timeā¦ Drop by to enjoy Wild Honey Wordsā Thanks for Giving SPECIAL!
[Update: This promotion has ended; link has been removed. Subscribe to stay in the know about future offerings from Wild Honey Words.]
Be kind to yourself,
Emily Ruth Hazel (she/her)
